Where do I start...

Well, if you've been reading this you know that I got pretty mad lately when I realized that all the clothes that should fit me, didn't. I also said I was going to make a change , and I am. I don't have all the figures yet (yes I promised to post measurements too and haven't yet), but I started this mess at 155 and I've already lost 5 pounds just by not eating JUNK, so I'm at 150. I was hoping after my 5 days in Houston I'd be UNDER 150 because the clothes that I took to wear there (that were going to be really tight, remember I was punishing myself lol), weren't that tight and were actually presentable in public. Still tighter than I like, but I could tell already that I had lost some by the way they fit. Good news.
I still want to get under 140. That is my goal. I want to stay there. That is my MAJOR goal. THAT goal is going to require a different gameplan than I have ever used in the past. So let me share some things I learned recently through a not-so-fun conversation with my husband, and share how some things have changed in my head which I believe will be instrumental in helping me attain my goals.

First off, some history.
I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted until my freshman year of college when I gorged myself and wound up with stomaches (u'd think that would have told me to stop) and gained 25 (!) pounds. In h.s. I LITERALLY ate 5 HUGE servings of ice cream every day during the summer and ate all the candy bars I could find. I didn't have much pop, cookies, or chips bc my mom didn't keep them in our house, but I certainly made up for it with the ice cream, didn't I? I only weighed 120-125 then.
Well, fast forward several years, and unfortunately I realized I still have had this mentality.
When I'd reach my goal, I'd hold fast for awhile (even a few months), then I'd fall back into this old way of thinking that "I'm skinny, I can eat whatever I want". Well, guess what. I don't have the same metabolism that I had at 17 and I can't do that! So consequently, my weight since college has gone up and down, up and down, up and down, about 20 pounds in each direction. No fun.
Well, in talking to Dan, he made me realize that yes, people probably do 'crave' or "want' some things, but they make choices NOT to eat them. He himself does this. I get myself into my pity parties, whining to myself that its "not fair" that others can eat anything and not work out, or never seem to battle weight, but I do. So he made me realize that for most people (yes there are those lucky few who have such a great metabolism it doesn't seem to matter at all what they do), but for MOST people, they are making WISE choices. I wasn't. I was in la-la land thinking I could do one thing (eat anything) , but reality is , I can't (anymore). I am coming to face this reality head-on with the maturity of an adult. I'm not going to whine that its 'not fair'. I am going to accept it , and then deal with the cards I am being dealt. I am going to make wise choices. I am not going to eat candy bars/chips/ice cream all the time just because someone else might be partaking, including my kids. AND I'm reducing the amount of that stuff in our house so that they can start making healthier choices instead of always choosing crap for a snack. I'm not cutting it all out, because I think that can cause problems for kids, and its not fair to them to go cold-turkey on this when its not THEIR problem, its mine. But with less and less of it around, I am sure I will see them making better choices too, which of course can only be good news for them and their lives to grow up making wise food choices.
In our discussion, Dan couldn't get over the fact that I told him, that yes, in my head I really do want all that junk. I want (or used to) want to eat it. SO, in my mind, the step I'm in now is to NOT want it. To CHOOSE the jeans that fit and the happiness that brings, instead of the momentary taste of that item in my mouth. I purposely kept those hideous pictures I posted earlier on my camera, so that if I am out and about and about to falter, I can pull up those pictures and remind myself that NO I DON"T WANT THAT JUNK, not in my mouth, nor in my trunk!
I watch some people always trying to eat the healthy thing on a menu or plate, and I used to think (that's so sad, it seems so depressing to never get the 'good stuff' which is really the CRAP). Now I realize that they were doing what Dan talked about. They were making wise choices, they knew they couldn't eat anything they wanted to all the time, so they were making good choices so that they didn't have to battle yo-yo's all their days. I'm almost 40 (yes, I really do wish I still had the body and metabolism I had at 16-17. But I don't... so) I'm going to have to be more diligent in my choices ALL THE TIME, not just when I'm on a 'kick' to lose it then gain it all back because of that old la-la land mentality that doesn't work for me anymore (obviously). So there u have it, that's my game plan... realizing that it IS going to take EFFORT, but that effort will be well rewarded and worth it in the LONG RUN, not just in short runs. I'm not in la-la land anymore, I am facing this head-on and its just the way it is. Is it fair? probably not, but its life.