Well, I did it again.
I decided that it was necessary to take drastic measures and therefore subject myself to yet another cleanse. I did my first one almost exactly 4 years ago and was very successful at it. I then tried to do it 2 or 3 times after that and was highly unsuccessful. Cleansing programs like this are just virtually fasts. Therefore, they are not fun and all you wind up thinking about is what you would like to eat. My first time I was successful because I had never done it before and I was determined to finish what I started and do it right. I did. I lost 10 pounds in that 9 days, but then promptly ate everything in sight and gained back 5 in about 2 days. Still a net loss of 5 pounds, so I was pretty happy with the results. Plus it did what I really needed it to do at that point...get me over a plateau I was on and re-motivate me to push even harder. It succeeded, as did I. It was during this 18 week period four years ago that I lost 20 pounds and 20 total inches. I went from 155 to 135, and then successfully stayed there for about 9 months. That's when my old mindset set in ("I'm skinny, I can eat whatever I want"...wrong! ice cream every night for several weeks added 5 pounds, reduced workouts added another 5 pounds, time and decreased motivation added another 5 pounds... so four years later I am back up 15 of those 20 pounds and willing to try again).
I've been on a bit of a plateau again. I'm happy (as u know), but I would like to see some progress and I'm just not seeing it. Plus swimsuit season is here and I just think my thighs are a bit too wide for a suit, plus I LOVE it when my pants/jeans/shorts are baggy or not tight on my thighs. Right now they are tight on my thighs and I hate that feeling. I LOVE clothes that are baggy , especially ones that were once tight, because it is such a continual motivation/confirmation of the good choices I've made. Whereas... when they are tight its a continual reminder that what I'm doing isn't working because my pants are too darn tight in the thighs. Obviously everyone has there 'hot spot'. The part of their body that they want to change. For some its love handles and guts. For me, its thighs (which when they get too big, blends into my butt too).
So anyway, I decided to use this memorial day weekend when my hubby would be out of town to start this cleanse (its so much easier to cleanse when you aren't going out to eat or making full-fledged meals. With him being gone, I can cook the kids easy simple stuff, that I don't like to eat anyway, and am therefore not in agony when I can't eat it). I know this sounds horrible and ridiculous, and very self-depriving. And it truly is. But, there is a goal here. Once I succeed in these 9 days, I KNOW I will see positive results and that will give me the boost to keep it off and even maybe get more off. Gosh, how fun it would be to spend this summer (or everyday of the rest of my life) at 135 pounds again. lol.
I know this also sounds contradictory to my many previous posts about being happy with where you are. Don't get me wrong, I am not hating myself or my body. I am still happy. I just want to improve it some so my pants fit better and aren't reminding me of their tightness everytime I put them on.
I'm not going to post this till the 9 days are over, so if you are reading it , you will read it from beginning to end in one post, instead of reading day 9, then day8, and so on since blogger posts the most recently written first. P. S. does anyone know how to change that and read a blog from oldest to newest? Sometimes it would be nice (when reading a blog that u haven't read in a while, or ever) to actually read it in chronological order. Anyway, side note there.
I say "anyway" a lot don't I? :)
I took some 'day 1' pictures today, I'll probably save those to post at the end so that it will be easier to compare before and after pix next to each other. But I have to admit, even though my pants bug me and when I put on a suit I felt it didn't look that great....when I saw the pictures (maybe my 'happy attitude' came through) because I looked at them and thought "gosh, those aren't that bad. Sure I'm not model-thin, but I honestly don't look that bad. If I saw that person on the beach I wouldn't think twice about them--no critical thoughts, but yet no 'yowza, wish I looked like that' thoughts either. lol
So, I guess the truth is (what I've been saying for a long time, and what my 'guess my weight' posts were about), is that we don't look nearly as bad as we sometimes think we do in our heads.
But regardless, my pants FEEL tight, so I want to loosen them up a bit. The only way to do that without going out and buying bigger sizes is to loose an inch or two. So its up to me, not my wallet to make a change.
When this 9 days is done I want to wear my purple shorts to the gym too! ;)
Today was Day 3. I succeeded in Days 1and 2 (the days where u don't eat any REAL food and just drink these cleansing drinks (which by the way they must have changed the formula because they taste ALOT better! [I used to have to plug my nose and try to swallow as quick as possible with the old ones-another reason why it was hard to succeed in completing the cleanse. But with these they taste great and fruity]). You also get to eat a couple almonds and these little 'snacks' they call them,but really they are just little one inch pieces of compacted chalk. lol. That's what they taste like anyway. Chocolate or Vanilla , take your pick of your chalk flavor LOL. No , honestly, when u are struggling on this thing they are hard to get down and they taste like chalk. But when your mindset is good (which mine is right now) you don't mind them so much. Plus if you eat the chocolate one with an almond it makes it almost taste like chocolate covered almonds lol.
Well, things are going good. As of today (Day3) I am down 5 pounds. Obviously, with a cleanse the first place u lose it is your stomach, because you really aren't eating. So for me, I can't stop now, I need to go further so I can see real results (reduction of stored fat in my thighs) in a few days. That keeps me motivated. I know that if I went off it now, the 5 pounds could come back really quick because a lot of that is water, and since I'm eating no salt, no water-retention. By continuing the cleanse, you wind up breaking cravings for sugar and junk food. So when you go back to regular eating afterwards you don't crave those things so it helps u to make better eating choices.
Mentally, all is going really well. Day 3-7 are 'shake days'. This means you drink special enzyme filled shakes (taste good) for 2 meals, some of those yummy chalky snacks, and ONE real meal of 400-600 calories which ideally should be really healthy stuff. Preferrably organic, because u are trying to rid your body of toxins with the cleanse so if you only put back into it 'good' food during the process, it makes it more successful. These days also make it easier mentally because u get to eat some real food. I personally like to EAT. REAL. FOOD. I am not a meal-replacement bar or shake type of person. I want a bowl of cereal, not a shake for breakfast. The only time I eat meal-replacement stuff is if I absolutely have no time, then I grab it on the go. Other than that, I really like to eat. I like the flavor, the texture, and I like to chew my food. Therefore, I enjoy days 3-7 more than the 'cleanse days' which are days 1-2 and 8-9.
To prepare for the shake day meals, I looked up on http://www.calorieking.com/ the calorie count of items in my house that I wanted to eat. Some things I was starting to think about or hope to eat soon. Plus lots of fruit that I just bought and didn't want to go bad. Then I took that list, picked a bunch of things that tallied up to 600 calories and said "this is what I will eat on day3". It worked really well, in fact, today I was so busy outside that I really didn't consume all the items I had planned on, but I will sort of save them up, because once Dan gets home I know it will be harder to stay on track because I will need to be serving family dinners and we may also go out.
I had recently bought some babybel white cheddar minis (you know the ones that come wrapped in wax?) I really like the gouda, and this time I tried a sample at Sam's of the white cheddar and liked it too, along with some gluten free really yummy crackers. I bought both and was anxious to eat them at home but had to wait to Day3 to do it. So today I ate them, and ooohhhh, they were GOOD! Probably a little more so because I am appreciating every morsel that goes in my mouth right now (think-survivor contestant right after they leave tribal and are getting to eat in the car on the way to Ponderosa!), but also because when u let that cheese get close to room temperature, the flavor is immense. Very good. You should try it. I took one mini, sliced it up and put it on 7 (SEVEN!) crackers. Together it was 140 calories and it was WORTH IT! :)
I also had a leftover fish taco and pico from the Blue Restaurant (last dinner out before Dan left) so I ate that too. That was DELISH! Its not fried, and has no grease (when u reheat it you don't see any like u do on other foods), so the only high calories come from the flour tortilla its wrapped in, so I had to guesstimate that that was about 200 calories. It was super flavorful and deliscious!
One thing I've come to realize is that when you don't have free reign of the fridge/freezer/pantry/menu... you can really enjoy those healthy choices you are making because its the only thing you are going to get. No cheetos or onion rings for you! In fact right now, the thought of Cheetos makes me gag. That's a good sign, it means the yucky junk food is losing its hold and my body is wanting the good nourishing healthy stuff! If we can just stay on track eating the good stuff regularily and not slipping into junk food mode, our bodies would naturally help us make better choices. Its when we make repetitive bad choices that the salt and sugar in those choices start nagging at our bodies to get more because they don't satisfy our nutritional needs. I need to remember that when I snack (after the cleanse) to make sure I get protein in it so that it will satisfy me. When I snack on nonsense, my body isn't satisfied so it asks for more and more and more and pretty soon I've eaten 3 entirely useless things, and am truthfully still 'hungry' (craving something to satisfy me) even though I am stuffed. See how wrong that is. We need to feed our bodies what it needs so it doesn't feel depleted.
That is one of the reasons for my cleanse, to shock my body into dealing with 'no junk'. Then when I start all over afterwards and can keep eating the good healthy stuff that will satisfy me and help me, instead of just sitting on my hips.
Well, that is the end of Day 3. Its going good. I'll sign back in soon.
Day 4 is almost over. Another great day. I have to say this cleanse is going really well. Because I am seeing results not only on the scale, and in the fit of my clothes (already!), but primarily in my mind and how I am thinking about food again, this is going really good. I put my swimsuit on today and hung out at the pool after church (beautiful day by the way!) and I was feeling skinny. It felt good. Then Dan came home and we headed down the street for a few minutes. Even Dan commented that my butt already looked smaller ( BIG smile on my part!)
These past two days I haven't actually eaten all that I was supposed to, but I wasn't hungry either, so I figure I'll just let it slide (in case I go over a bit later in the week). I know restricted calories isn't a good idea because it could slow your metabolism , and that is why you are on a 2 hr schedule with this cleanse to constantly be eating either a snack tab or a shake or a cleanse drink or a low-cal meal every two hrs or so. But honestly with my mind set already shifting (wanting good food instead of junk) and being busy these last couple of days, I've just missed a few. In fact right now, as I am sitting in the evening typing this in front of the tv I would normally be mindlessly snacking on something and that something probably wouldn't be filling and therefore wouldn't satisfy, so I would keep snacking. But now that my mind is shifting (yeah) I can sit here and realize that I am NOT hungry, and use my mind to choose not to eat mindlessly. That is a great improvement. Plus using my mind, instead of snacking mindlessly, I can choose the right snacks when I am hungry. Something with some protein :)
Also, I need to mention I haven't worked out in two days... and guess what? I'm not freaking out about 'missed workouts'. Working out sometimes turns into an 'idol' for me. I am trying to change that. I know two things. I have to turn it over to God. And I have to change my mindset in order to overcome this idol in my life. For those of you who aren't familiar with the phrase 'having an idol in your life', it essentially means that something is taking over your life, it holds more importance than it should, and takes too much time and focus than it should. (And you spend more time focusing on this, than focusing on your relationship with God...there, I finally said it out loud and admitted it). I have known for quite some time that I needed to fix this, and more importantly than that, I know that to really fix it I have to turn it over to God. The amazing thing about these past two days with no workouts is that there was no "game plan to make up for it later" or honestly even thinking about it at all. I simply just didn't work out. I wasn't lazy. It just wasn't a 'priority'. For me, that was a positive turn too.
I did work out on Day 1 and 2, but with Day2 being the second day of 'true cleanse' my energy level was low and I had to turn it down a notch at the step class but it was fun and still a great workout. Plus I got to workout with my great friend Jen who I haven't been able to workout with in a long time.
I know I'm jumping around a bit with my topics, but its because I stop writing for a minute then when I come back to it I am thinking of another aspect that I want to talk about...right now, that topic is about how incredibly great my mindset is ,that this doesn't even feel like a cleanse. It just feels like normal every day life. And the great thing about that, is that I am completely satisfied with healthy food and less food and smaller portions than I've mindlessly consumed in the past! I am so feeling this as a lifestyle right now, rather than a cleanse, that I feel like I could go on with this for a loooonngg time. But I know you aren't supposed to. I think I read something about that four years ago that you could do 2 back to back, but then had to go off it before you did some more (???) Anyway, all this to say this is a good thing, because that is what you want to happen. You want to get your body cleaned out of the junk so it doesn't crave it so that you can eat the way God intended you to eat...as fuel for your body. Fuel for the temple He created you to live in while you are here on earth.
Day 5: was a bit harder. Mainly due to eating dinner instead of lunch.....
On shake days when you eat a meal, you are supposed to eat that at lunch, then have a shake at dinner. This works best, because lunchtime seems to be your most hungriest anyway and then the shake tides you over till bedtime if you get a little hungry later. Plus, nutritionists always say you should eat your biggest meal earlier in the day, not at night like most of us traditionally do. Well, Dan is back so I feel that our family dinner time should be normal (shouldn't disrupt our family time just because of my cleanse), but... I was really hungry around lunch and struggling. I really wanted my meal now, I didn't want to wait for dinner. So I asked Dan if he was interested in eating the chicken we had planned for dinner now at lunch. He said he wasn't hungry so I decided to wait. I didn't explain to him why I was asking, and I probably should have because then he probably would have agreed to eat earlier (he's been really supportive on this cleanse). But I didn't , so he didn't know, so by the time dinner came around I was ready to eat a horse today. I didn't, but it sure was a bit agonizing internally. That is not how you want the cleanse to be. You don't want it to be such a deprivation that you are craving what you aren't having. That will just backfire because you will probably go overboard when you go off it. That is why its important to eat as the plan suggests in the afternoon. It is just really hard to do that with a family. (Which is why the first few days when our whole family wasn't together, and we weren't having 'family meals' were so much easier).
Day6: today was back on track. I haven't been eating all the 'snack tabs' I know I'm supposed to but I haven't felt hungry and I was busy so I didn't. I know I should though, because I know you are supposed to put nutrients in your body every few hours. Today I ate my meal at lunch instead of dinner (like you are supposed to) and it was so much better than yesterday! Plus we were out and about all day, and when I'm busy there is just not much time to think about eating. This evening though when I was sitting on the computer, I felt my mind go to that place where u think you should 'snack on something' just because you are sitting here. That is one of the mind things I want to change. I don't want pointless snacking! Eat when you are hungry, not just out of boredom or routine or habit! Fortunately, I DIDN'T, so I am still on track. Oh yeah, on a nice note, today I wore some workout shorts that I like to the gym today that I haven't worn in probably 6 months! They fit fine and I liked being able to wear them again. I want to wear ALL my workout shorts again! That's the goal, getting back into what's in my closet. I don't have to fit in my (glorious) 2007 135 pound clothes. I just want to fit in all my 140-145 pound clothes REALLY WELL! I'm getting closer :) will keep u posted.
Day 7 I was at the office and it went really well. I wound up making dinner for my in-laws too but since I was working at the office I didn't get all grumpy about not eating my 'meal' at lunchtime, so when I ate it at dinnertime, I was fine today. Another good day.
Day 8. This is the final two days, and these days are like 1 and 2, in that instead of any real meals and shakes, you eat those chalky snack tabs every 2 hours and you drink four of these cleanse drinks, which have a pleasant fruity taste. Today went super good. Feeling great, not craving or feeling deprived about anything. Was still at 5 pounds lost this morning. My jean capris that I love fit baggy again (which is the way I love them), one of my jean shorts are so baggy right now that I need to throw them in the wash to shrink them up some. Feeling good and going good. I'd like to take a fat percentage test at the gym to see if there is any change from this, but I didn't schedule one. Maybe next week I can do it and we'll see what happens then. I am also liking this program so much (the shakes and cleanse drinks and such) that I am thinking of ordering some more just for a little maintenance. Not necessarily to do the whole 9day cleanse again (at least not for the next 2 weeks because I am going on vacation and believe me I will be splurging!), but to do when I get back just for regular days. Plus if I use it more as maintenance then I pretty much use it during the day, but when we go out or its family dinner time and I partake with my family instead of being segregated like I am now :( Dan has been really great through this whole thing. I've explained to him that its not just about weight loss, its about cleaning out your system to stop the sugar and salt cravings, so he's been really supportive and ate with the girls when I wasn't around, and helped make dinner, and didn't request that I make our 'regular' family dinners on nights that I wasn't supposed to eat. He has been cool with having burgers on the grill (which he and the kids really enjoy, but I wouldn't want to eat even if I could) so its been working out ok. Only one more 'missed' family dinner then we can do our normal dinner plans together. That's good. Well, that's all for today.
Day 9:Final day of the official cleanse. Today went well. Pretty easy actually. I was at the pool today and I noticed something funny... normally when I am in my swimsuit I try to tighten my stomach muscles 'just a bit' so that I don't have some flab hanging out for my hubby to see (I want him to only see me in a perfect light at all times--I know impossible, but I really want to put my 'best foot forward' for him). Today I realized that I wasn't doing that AT ALL, and my stomach was just staying there by itself! That is a nice part of the cleanse, not much in there, so nothing to make it stick out lol. It made me think of the folks on survivor (again), they are so restricted in their diets, there is no food in their bellys, no wonder most of them all have sunken or super flat tummys midway through the game! Anyway, it felt nice. I did realize though that even though it was flat, when I laid on my side the center part that got all stretched out through pregnancies is still droopy no matter what. That skin has just lost its elasticity and that is all there is to it! Only a tummy tuck will help it, and I don't like surgery so that 'ain't happening', so I guess I will live with it, and Dan will have to too. (there I go again, that perfectionism streak peaking out----at least I'm honest about it, yes, even though I'm HAPPY, some things still make me 'think').
So anyway, back to day 9. Went good all day, till about 4pm when I started thinking about what we were going to do for dinner. I was supposed to drink a cleanse drink. No food. But I HATE missing family dinners with my family. I should be making them a dinner, or we should be spending time together going out for one and enjoying that together. I could easily have finished the cleanse with my drinks. No problem. I was not deprived or hungry in any way. But on an emotional level, I really hate messing up my family's dinner 'tradition' if you'll call it that. So I asked Dan, if he wanted me to make the girls something simple (they were all finally wore out on hamburgers!), or if he wanted to go to the blue restaurant. I knew I could eat 2 fish tacos there and it would be really healthy and low calorie so I wouldn't feel like it was a failure. We ended up going to the restaurant. I ate my spicy fish tacos. But I ate no chips. No queso. No lemonade. Then afterwards at our soccer party I ate no ice cream. No cookies. No brownies. No nothing! So I don't feel like I failed. I have lost 5 pounds and my CLOTHES FIT BETTER! I am not craving over junk food (I didn't eat all those sugary things available to me---if I HAD, that would have been a failure because then I would have been filling myself immediately up with all the junk I had just cleansed out of my system!) I have only put GOOD stuff back into my body, so I feel confident that I can continue with wiser choices and try to keep this as a lifestyle.
I am LOVING the fact that my pants fit looser!
Yes, weightloss did occur and I did this cleanse knowing that would happen, but I also did it for the 'breaking the sugar/salt' cycle. To explain a little, read on...
I wanted to take a moment to talk about the whole purpose of doing a cleanse is for. It really isn't for weightloss. However, when you do a deep cleanse, like this one, that is a side effect. Since I had done this before I knew that. However, the cleansing of toxins out of your body is the important part. If we can get some of the toxins out of our body that are stored there it is healthier for us from the inside out. Also, during the cleanse, if you can break your body's cravings/desire for processed foods and sugar (through the absence of it), that will really make a difference in your lifestyle choices after the cleanse. You won't be desiring the junk, so you will be feeding your body what it really needs, nutrient-wise, and therefore, your body will be satisfied. For me, that is the big goal. Get me back on track where my lifestyle is a no-brainer. I'm not making sacrifices or suffering deprivations to eat certain things, I am simply eating what is good for me because I want to. That is what I desire. So it no longer is a diet of any sort, it is simply how you live. Your lifestyle.
On a side note...
I went to a reflexology person recently. While there we began discussing other procedures they do at that office. One of them was those colonic irrigations. (Where they use a tube and water to essentially flush out old poop and toxins from your colon). I have to admit... this intrigued me. I know. It sounds gross. But on the other hand, if you can get rid of some of the build up of gross tarry, yucky, toxins that are in your body... and that would make you healthier... wouldn't that be worth it? I'm contemplating. I told my friend, Marlenes, about it. She freaked out. She thinks I'm going to do it just because I've contemplated it enough to talk about it. I don't know. She may be right. I'll let u know if I ever decide and what the results are on that. Until then, I'll just do this oral cleanse and hope that helps some.
I spent about $200 on this cleanse (including my $40 annual membership fee so that I could buy this and future items at a discount). If anyone wants to try it let me know and I can order it for you. I mention the cost, because I have to admit, in the beginning when I was starting it and not sure yet how it was going to go this time (since I had had both success and failures with it in the past), I told myself "I am NOT going to cheat, and ruin this and throw $200 down the drain just because I had a three minute error to eat something I shouldn't! and that could be a detriment to the program and thus make it not successful and thus make me lose my money!" So that helped me stay motivated in the beginning, but honestly, I saw the results so quickly that then THAT kept me motivated. Plus ,except for Day 5, I have just had the greatest mental attitude and commitment about it. Its gone well. So even though I ended it about 5 hours early, I do feel it was very successful.
I had taken some "before" pictures. Today I took some "after" pictures. But you know, I don't think I'm going to post them. Truth is, its not about "look at me! look how good I look!", and I think sometimes that's what we are saying (maybe subconsciously) when we post those types of pictures. Or even if WE aren't saying that, that is what SOME people THINK you are saying when they see them. So I decided I didn't want to do that. I have the pictures for myself. They help me to see differences and visual progress. But they will remain for me to see and not you. :) Plus, truth is, when I started this fitness blog it was really just me and my workout buddies who might read it. But now, that I've linked it to Facebook a few times, I don't know how comfortable I would feel with showing pictures of myself in a swimsuit to some of my 'friends' on FB. Its just not a side of me they may want to see, and it may be a part of my life that they aren't really involved in and therefore may not understand. To some people, I just want to remain "T and W's mom" , not that "crazy, work-out obsessed, cleansing lady who posts swimsuit pictures of herself all the time". Because, truth is, I'm not as obsessed anymore, and I'm working on becoming even less 'obsessed'. I may cleanse, but I do it because I think its good for my body from the inside out. But my kids teachers probably want to remain to know me with my full clothes on :) so no pictures on this go-around folks! I will say though, as I mentioned above, they weren't as bad as I'd imagined (remember u are always your worst critic, so lighten up!), and the after shots did show some improvement. But honestly for me, if my clothes are fitting the way I want them to, then I don't need a picture to prove it... I FEEL it! A few months ago, my friend Jen can attest to this, I was obsessed with how I looked in pictures (I saw a picture that was really bad and I was like "what?! really?! is that what I look like?" So I was obsessed with figuring out how I truly looked, not in my head, but in real life. Well, the difference between then and now, is that my pants were tight (!) then. And I knew it. But in my head I was still trying to convince myself it was ok... till I saw the picture and I had to face reality that something had to be done. Whereas now, I don't need the picture, because I can FEEL that my pants fit better. Loose, in fact. So I KNOW things are on the right track.
I know I have jumped around a lot in this extremely LOOOOOONNNNNGGGGG post. If you read it all, congrats to you. Its been good to chronicle it for me and I can use it to re-read if I need a 'pick me up' some day about why I want to stay away from foods that don't satisfy and will only make me crave them. If I re-read the reminders in the post about wise and thoughtful choices, then it can help ME too to stay on track. Hope this helps you too.
That's all folks.
Oh... P. S. I did do measurements, so I WILL post those (but not the pictures), so from a 'measurement aspect' we can SEE the results. I'll try to do that this weekend.