Well, way back when, I wrote about getting down to 141 on my goal to 135 pounds (what I weighed the summer of 2007). Then I told you how it had gone back to 145. Well its still there. It hasn't moved an inch. I haven't been scrutinizing my eating-just eating pretty normal without completely gobbling every cookie or ice cream cone in a 100 mile radius. So I've come to the realization that with normal workouts and normal eating, 145 seems to be my "regular weight". The weight at which my body just tends to hover. With extreme unhealthy overeating it will increase, or with more disciplined eating and a bit more work outs it will decrease. However, with just maintaining and still eating ice cream or other snacks several times a week, I stay at 145.
Now I'm telling you this to say... for right now... I am ok with this.
I am not going to beat myself up over it because I haven't gotten to the 135 I was trying to get back too, and I am also not going to get depressed and eat the cow that provided me with the ice cream either. I am simply just going to chill and enjoy the summer without putting condemnation on myself that my body is not "perfect". It never was and never will be.
As a society, we women put so much pressure on ourselves with our bodies and looks that it causes so many unhealthy results and unhappy people. Airbrushing should be outlawed because we will never look like the ladies in the magazines, because THEY don't even really look like that in real life. We see these pictures and we want to look like that. Its not real. I really want to embrace reality in our bodies. I liked it when the Dove ads ran with women of normal shapes and sizes. It showed that these were REAL people, and they weren't all rail-thin. Gosh, I feel bad for the celebrities, they get thinner and thinner, so that now in real life they look horrible, yet in photos they still look bigger than they really are. Its insane.
Anyway, all this to say that... I am not on an extreme workout program right now. After 5 years of running, I am sort of taking a break from it. I just want to walk or workout on my "gem" instead of running right now. I know this interferes with my marathon training program. And everyone keeps asking me if I'm still going to do it and the truth is , if I hadn't already paid the $80 to sign up, I'd immediately say "no". Instead, I would just like to do some walking and do my gym classes till I feel motivated to kick it up a notch again. However, because I am so frugal and I already paid for it, I don't feel like I can just give it up. I'm hoping I can convince someone who is going to run it who hasn't registered yet, to give me the money instead and take my registration. Then I won't feel like I wasted the money. (told you I'm cheap!)
I don't want u to think I'm getting lazy and giving up. I'm just taking a break for now. I've been increasing my running for the past 5 years, and I think I finally just want to take a break from it. I don't feel like "increasing" it to the next level right now (the marathon), I just want to coast and take a small break. The thought of HAVING to run, just bums me out and I don't want to do it. I don't know if its the heat of summer or the fact that now that the girls are older and we can enjoy the pool more together or what. But I don't want to spend hours inside during the day on the treadmill, instead I want to play with the girls in the pool. When the pool closes and T goes back to school I'll probably use W's naptime to get back on my old workout program, but for now, I just want to enjoy summer and not condemn myself because I missed my runs on my marathon training program. One of the reasons I wanted to run the marathon was not only to just say I HAD DONE IT, but also because I think it would have made my husband really proud of me and the accomplishment. I always want him to be proud of me. However, he is even telling me to forget about the money and just don't do it. So, my conflict was, do I push through to make him proud and accomplish something I think would be neat to have accomplished. Or do I lay off the pressure of it all and just relax a bit. I think over the last couple of days I have finally decided and I think I choose to relax a bit.
The only thing to be careful of is not to over-relax and make stupid menu/eating decisions. As I taught the ladies at church... I (PERSONALLY) need to remember that my body is a temple God created and it is my job as His steward to take good care of it. Don't feed it crap. Even if they are organic(and thus not crap) don't eat a dozen cookies at at time either! :)
So there u have it. I am not focusing on any great long-distance goal. But I am going to be happy with myself and not beat myself up over the scale saying 145. Because in fact, (I may not be at 135-which was my lowest post-children weight), but I am not at my highest non-pregnancy weight (which was 155) either. So I have to look on the positive, that when I was 155, I would have been OVERJOYED to be wearing my 145 clothes. So even though those 135 capris are too tight, I am being positive in the fact that I am wearing 145's, and not 155's.
We seem to do that to ourselves as women too. We never appreciate where we are. We always think we are too fat at any age. But then u look back and u are like "man, I'd love to be that way again". Unfortunately, even THEN, u weren't happy because u were trying to be something else.
SO... I vow to be happy. But not stupid. I will not overendulge in things that do not produce efficient fuel for this temple. I'm not perfect, but I'm realizing that I need to appreciate exactly where I am. I may wear those new black pants to the gym, and my butt may jiggle a bit (ok, probably A LOT if we are jumping up and down), but I will embrace everything about me-the good , the bad, and the (hopefully not TOO) ugly. LOL
I don't know if this post is just a bunch of rambling to you. But hopefully, you can get something positive out of it. We are all women that God created. He loved, and still loves us. We need to help each other, not tear each other down. The support of our friends, especially our Godly friends, is a beautiful gift. I treasure it. Be blessed and have a wonderful day!