Resisting the temptation-hooray!

Tonight isa bakesale fundraiser at my daughter's school. I have been busy busy busy baking and making chocolate covered goodies for this event. I've made cranberry/white choc chip cookies, semi-sweet and milk chocolate chip cookies, no-bake cookies, chocolate chip pecan cookies, chocolate covered oreos, chocolate covered peanuts, white chocolate covered peanuts, and white chocolate covered pretzel stacks. That's a lot of sugar infused treats to be in my house at one time and I have to say.... today I passed the test. I made most of the chocolate items earlier (they stay fresh longer), but I made the cookies today (because a good cookie is only good if its fresh and to me if its over a day old its no longer fresh). While I was making these cookies today I only ate 2 cookies (normally I can gobble a half dozen before I am done baking!) And one of these was just to test it to make sure the flavor was spot on. Well, after I had made all the batches I decided to sit down with a non-perfect warm one (one of my favorites, pecan/chocolate chip) and eat it with a tall glass of milk. I poured my milk. Took my crooked cookie, and sat at the table to gaze out the window and enjoy a few peaceful minutes eating my cookie.



Lots and lots of bake sale items



But a very strange thing happened. I sat there and sort of felt sick to my stomach (the way I feel AFTER eating 6-8 cookies). I thought to myself, you know this is what I always wish WOULD happen (get the stuffed uncomfortable feeling BEFORE I slide, so that I don't slide.) Well, it finally happened, I felt yucky before eating it instead of after (when its too late and regret it), so I stopped. Looked at that cookie. Looked at my milk. And decided to not eat the cookie. This really is unheard of for me and not anywhere close to my normal behavior. So I consciously took the moment to think about it and decide to make the right choice. Why eat something if you know you are going to feel like crap afterwards? Its only worth it, if it has a positive consequence, not a negative one. I have no idea if this is a one-time fluke or if I'm onto something mentally. But I chose to forego my cookie today and I'm glad I did. 



Cute stickers I put on each baggie. Aren't they adorable?



This is my undrank glass of milk and all those beautiful cookies just waiting to be sold and make some moolah for our school :)

beautiful breeze

I've been keeping up with my running on the treadmill, doing at least 3.5 miles a day. However, I am finding it really hard to work in those BL and Jillian workout tapes. I am consistently using my weighted hula 20+minutes at least every other day, sometimes more (this is an easy exercise to squeeze in because I don't have to be in gym clothes to do it and it doesn't make me sweat so I don't have to shower after).
Sunday morning before church I had an amazing (albeit short) run on the treadmill with all the windows open. It felt so nice to have that cool morning breeze blowing on me and smelling the spring air even though I was inside. I'm going to need to remember to do that more often, it was great!
Haven't really improved my eating much lately, which I know is what holds me back. I have a huge bakesale to prepare for this week, so I know I'll be nibbling as I'm baking, but after that I am hoping to really start making wiser food choices so I can see some results on the scale and in the fit of my jeans :)  Summer is coming!

finished strong

Today I didn't start my day with my workout as I normally do. Instead, since my hubby was off work we didn't set an alarm and we slept in. Then after taking my oldest to school, my youngest daughter and I sat and read books for well over an hour together. Throw in a quick trip to the hairdresser to get her hair cut, then lunch, and it was off to school for her. It was a beautiful day today so I wanted to exercise outside, so after dropping her off I took a 30 minute bike ride, then came back home and grabbed my dog and went for a 1.5 mile walk/jog with her. The problem was, these bits of exercise didn't seem like enough (it was already warm enough that it was harder to run outside than I had hoped). Consequently, I was feeling a little down-trodden, like I hadn't gotten enough of a good workout in for the day, especially knowing that my hubby was going to be out late at the carshow so the girls would want to watch a movie and eat junkfood tonight. Wasn't feeling too good about my lack of effort.
But....
after I finished the dog walk, I went and hopped on the treadmill and then cooled down on the AMT. I'm happy to now say I finished strong!
30minute bike ride
6.5 miles covered outside/treadmill/AMT combined
yeah!

Where do I start...

Well, if you've been reading this you know that I got pretty mad lately when I realized that all the clothes that should fit me, didn't. I also said I was going to make a change , and I am. I don't have all the figures yet (yes I promised to post measurements too and haven't yet), but I started this mess at 155 and I've already lost 5 pounds just by not eating JUNK, so I'm at 150. I was hoping after my 5 days in Houston I'd be UNDER 150 because the clothes that I took to wear there (that were going to be really tight, remember I was punishing myself lol), weren't that tight and were actually presentable in public. Still tighter than I like, but I could tell already that I had lost some by the way they fit. Good news.
I still want to get under 140. That is my goal. I want to stay there. That is my MAJOR goal. THAT goal is going to require a different gameplan than I have ever used in the past. So let me share some things I learned recently through a not-so-fun conversation with my husband, and share how some things have changed in my head which I believe will be instrumental in helping me attain my goals.

First off, some history.
I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted until my freshman year of college when I gorged myself and wound up with stomaches (u'd think that would have told me to stop) and gained 25 (!) pounds. In h.s. I LITERALLY ate 5 HUGE servings of ice cream every day during the summer and ate all the candy bars I could find. I didn't have much pop, cookies, or chips bc my mom didn't keep them in our house, but I certainly made up for it with the ice cream, didn't I? I only weighed 120-125 then.
Well, fast forward several years, and unfortunately I realized I still have had this mentality.
When I'd reach my goal, I'd hold fast for awhile (even a few months), then I'd fall back into this old way of thinking that "I'm skinny, I can eat whatever I want". Well, guess what. I don't have the same metabolism that I had at 17 and I can't do that! So consequently, my weight since college has gone up and down, up and down, up and down, about 20 pounds in each direction. No fun.
Well, in talking to Dan, he made me realize that yes, people probably do 'crave' or "want' some things, but they make choices NOT to eat them. He himself does this. I get myself into my pity parties, whining to myself that its "not fair" that others can eat anything and not work out, or never seem to battle weight, but I do. So he made me realize that for most people (yes there are those lucky few who have such a great metabolism it doesn't seem to matter at all what they do), but for MOST people, they are making WISE choices. I wasn't. I was in la-la land thinking I could do one thing (eat anything) , but reality is , I can't (anymore). I am coming to face this reality head-on with the maturity of an adult. I'm not going to whine that its 'not fair'. I am going to accept it , and then deal with the cards I am being dealt. I am going to make wise choices. I am not going to eat candy bars/chips/ice cream all the time just because someone else might be partaking, including my kids. AND I'm reducing the amount of that stuff in our house so that they can start making healthier choices instead of always choosing crap for a snack. I'm not cutting it all out, because I think that can cause problems for kids, and its not fair to them to go cold-turkey on this when its not THEIR problem, its mine. But with less and less of it around, I am sure I will see them making better choices too, which of course can only be good news for them and their lives to grow up making wise food choices.
In our discussion, Dan couldn't get over the fact that I told him, that yes, in my head I really do want all that junk. I want (or used to) want to eat it. SO, in my mind, the step I'm in now is to NOT want it. To CHOOSE the jeans that fit and the happiness that brings, instead of the momentary taste of that item in my mouth. I purposely kept those hideous pictures I posted earlier on my camera, so that if I am out and about and about to falter, I can pull up those pictures and remind myself that NO I DON"T WANT THAT JUNK, not in my mouth, nor in my trunk!
I watch some people always trying to eat the healthy thing on a menu or plate, and I used to think (that's so sad, it seems so depressing to never get the 'good stuff' which is really the CRAP). Now I realize that they were doing what Dan talked about. They were making wise choices, they knew they couldn't eat anything they wanted to all the time, so they were making good choices so that they didn't have to battle yo-yo's all their days. I'm almost 40 (yes, I really do wish I still had the body and metabolism I had at 16-17. But I don't... so) I'm going to have to be more diligent in my choices ALL THE TIME, not just when I'm on a 'kick' to lose it then gain it all back because of that old la-la land mentality that doesn't work for me anymore (obviously). So there u have it, that's my game plan... realizing that it IS going to take EFFORT, but that effort will be well rewarded and worth it in the LONG RUN, not just in short runs. I'm not in la-la land anymore, I am facing this head-on and its just the way it is. Is it fair? probably not, but its life.

Throwing it away!

Went to the store and returned $18 worth of m&m's, ice cream, and chips. Also threw out 3 bags full of junk food from our house. Its not empty (amazing after getting rid of that much stuff eh?), but at least now there isn't a plethera of stuff to tempt me. Need to set a better example for my kids by snacking on carrots and celery or fruit instead of junk. I will keep u posted. I'm still pissed. But I'm trying not to be pissed at the world. (That's my problem, when I get mad, I get mad at EVERYTHING, and that's not fair to those around me, so I'm trying to direct my anger appropriately). hopefully I'll have a good progress report when I get back Fri.